As delicate as a flower, as sharp as glass

I promised myself I wouldn't get this deep on my blog. However, I found an old journal and thought it may be a helpful/important message. A couple of months ago, I was in a really dark place. It was the first time in my life I couldn't pick myself up. I cried everyday for months, but no one ever knew not my friends or family. Did I struggle from depression? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is, I felt unworthy of all kinds of love. I couldn't express my feeling verbally. So I wrote this:

"I will never truly understand the essence of love. Imagine putting a glass object in the hands of someone else, trusting them not to drop it. They're running with it, yards and yards away - and it slips their hands. You can never get a grip on the glass object and it becomes harder to hold. The weight seems unbearable. Somehow, you know letting it go would be the easiest solution and you'll be free of the this burden. Letting it go is the easiest thing to do but repairing the glass object to its original state is impossible. Whether your intention was to break it or not, it will never be the same. The pieces of shattered glass are dispersed among the world with nothing left to grasp onto. You dropped the glass object because you could no longer bare the weight. Instead of realizing it was mind over matter, you gave up. You have failed that glass object. That's how love is."

I was wrong about my whole outlook on love and feeling loved but they were my feelings and I won't discount them. It's easy to be negative when you're down but I promise the world isn't against you, me or anyone else. If you have a friend or loved one who seems down or sad, they probably are. Don't ignore the signs, love them, let them know you're there for them. 💛

-Darian.