Mind Games.

My memory is as sharp as a tac but how wish I could forget. Betrayal fills my heart like a river with no end. Memories are piercing - they play over and over like the boy learning the clarinet. Clarity is what I lack, I long for an understanding of how and why things occur. I don't have an answer and it kills me every time. The complexity drives me to drink. My mind is constricted to the bed like the patient who wants it all to end.

As a woman I'd like to think I'm invincible. I have the power to create and eliminate anything in my life. We have the power to determine how our lives will ultimately turn out. The decisions we make are one of three categories: positive, neutral or negative. Though there are disadvantages and set backs within each decision made, we are the ones who accomplish or nullify. I hold these truths to be self evident I'm sure Thomas Jefferson would be proud. But when things goes wrong, what happens next? What happens when you become weak and vulnerable? Who helps the helper? When grey skies become gloomier by the day, how do you find sunshine in a world of darkness? When the important things in life suddenly become unimportant, how do you cope? How do I cope?

It's been said that happiness is as easier to achieve than sadness. It's easier to smile than to frown - I mean I guess???? No one wants to be unhappy point-blank period. Do some wallow in sadness? Sure. But that isn't the case for most. What I'm saying is you're not alone, babe. Hold your head high and handle the shit. Boss the fuck up and remember who the hell you are. Better days are ahead, sunshine and I'm with you through it all.

Xoxo, Darian.