In With The New.
If you met me in 2017 I am so sorry. In 2017 I’ve hit my lowest.
The person I have become is nothing short of the type of person I hate. I love myself but I don’t like who I am. The past year I have gone through things deeper than I would ever be willing to dig. The core of my anger and pain is something I cannot touch with the longest of objects. Great things have happened this year but I couldn’t stomach myself up to embrace them. I wasted time and effort enough so that I have doubts about putting more back in. As I reflect on the past year, my mental health was pure trash, taste in men completely atrocious, and adulting sucks more than a teething baby. The stagnancy of my life needed to be jump started; sometimes when your life is moving as slow as molasses it can be hard to pick yourself up.
In 2018 I want to redo 2017 - basically I'd like to make up for lost time and regain myself. The truth is, things don’t get easier we get stronger. I full heartedly believe this. I’m ready to own my faults and carry the weight I have never been able to bare. 2018, I am coming for you. I will not allow anyone to affect me as they have in the past. I will pick a part myself before anyone else has the chance to. I’m sensitive and defensive which often get me into trouble (sorry mom). I’ve gotten too far away from myself - that’s why I am writing this post. I am my biggest critic and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Every decision I have made has brought me to this point. I can’t say I’m pleased or disappointed but I know I can do better. A change is needed and I am ready. It won’t happen in a day, week or even a month. I am prepared to work until the end of my life to be h a p p y. Sometimes I believe I am too hard on myself. After all, I’m 23 with a college degree and my own apartment. I’m doing pretty well overall, lets see how much better I can do in '18.
To everyone reading this: It's your year, claim it. We can all do something to improve ourselves because no one is perfect and that is the message. Whether it's cutting people off or forgiving them do what you have to do. Only you have your best interest at heart. Step out of your comfort zone, buy that low cut shirt, ask that girl out. Don't shy away from things that seem infeasible, own it. This year is about opportunity and confidence. Go forth with the strength and wisdom to make this a kick ass year!
-DB, xoxo