You Didn't Deserve Me.

We greeted each other with warm smiles as we awkwardly saw each other in passing. There was something about that boy I always admired. Half the time I couldn't remember his name but his face I couldn’t forget. I dwelled on this person who was merely a stranger. My memories of him are vague but a couple things remain vivid. That smile, those eyes and his manners. Jersey born, but Virginia blood runs deep through the veins of his body. He has the charm of 1,000 southern boys. The night I met him I wanted to know more. Seemingly perplexed, those grounds were forbidden. Instead, four years were spent through a looking glass; gazing upon the unknown. It took us four years to get it right - to open our eyes and see the light. Four years to blossom as flowers of the world. No amount of water or sunlight could expedite this process. This stranger of four years has turned into my life. Suddenly, I was the stranger; I was a stranger to my own life. The best things do not go unnoticed, when pride and humility clash it creates a barrier. Like any kind of barricade, time crumbs away the solid parts. The solid parts serve as the insecurities and uncertainties we carry. When the time is right, things fall perfectly into place. Life is a puzzle full of beginnings and ends. Once the corners were connected, we met each other in the middle to create the most powerful picture of them all.

*Currently cringing* 😖

I wrote this from the bottom of my heart during my most vulnerable time. I wrote this passage with all the confidence in the world. However, this is what I yearned for - not what I had. What I had was much different. I tried too hard to find my college sweetheart. I was running out of time and gravitated to a stranger who was moderately nice. The misconception that I needed to be tied down and in love at 22 is one I giggle at today. The fear of being lonely and losing out on love scare the H E L L out of me. My insecurities eat me alive with no promise that they’ll soon end. When you’re vulnerable you latch on to ANYTHING. I didn’t question this when I should have. What I now see as red flags I wrote off as kindness and concern. Anyone who knows me knows I like complexity. That is exactly what this situation was. Theodore Roosevelt stated “Nothing worth having comes easy.” Jeez, did I take this too literal. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Nothing that brings headaches and tears are worth having. The truth is you weren’t worth it, none of it. Not a poem, time and certainly not this post. You’ve told your story, now it’s time to tell mine. TO BE CONTINUED...