Feasible vs. Unreasonable

In a world where feminism and independence are thriving among young people; we have hit a road block. Here's why: More and more I hear successful women say they're going to stick by a man while he's down. What does this mean? 

This is a concept with dual meaning and I'm here to separate feasible vs. unreasonable. Are we standing by men because they are down or because they are lazy? I need to dissect this.

I'm all for love — it is a beautiful thing and it speaks truth. I love the idea of being in love and giving myself to someone. There is no better feeling than being vulnerable with someone — in the good ways of course. In my opinion, love is what keeps the world going round. If your man is out of a job or just down on luck — I get it. It's hard and of course you should be that kind of comfort he needs. We've all been there before. I would never tell a person not to be there for one they care deeply about. I firmly believe in doing anything for your partner and your relationship while staying true to you. A partnership between two people is the among the most powerful forms of love.

Here is where things become messy. You see, my problem with catering to a man is just that. CATERING TO A MAN. In a perfect (male) world, dinner would be cooked and ready on the table by 6pm nightly. I will certainly not have dinner on the table every night and that NEEDS to be understood. I am not the type to conform or give in to typical gender ideologies. You're probably convinced that I'm this huge feminist who hates men, on the contrary. I've worked hard all my life to get to where I am and Lord forgive me but I'm not going to raise someones adult son. I don't believe in the concept of struggling with someone. This gives leeway to mediocrity and complacency. The real question is why would anyone willingly struggle with someone? I simply can't justify this. Listen, I'm far from struggling and I won't be taken advantage of because I'm stable. If you can't provide equal or more — I'm sorry you are not for me and you deserve to know that first hand. If things aren't compromised on an equal playing field note* you simply can't play with the girl who made the rules.

I just feel very strongly about this. Too many times I have put myself in unjust situations. Busting my ass, walking on eggshells, and for what to be treated like shit?! I don't need to be showered in gifts; in fact I don't want to be showered in gifts. I want to be successful without carrying the weight of a man. I feel like things have flipped script. Let's remember that as women we are still working for less money and even less as women of color. Let's bring ourselves up before we raise someone else up.  Don't subject yourself to people who want the life you live without you. Be with someone who wants all of you, not just the perks of you. For as long as I can remember, my mom has always told me to be picky. This has probably been the best advice that I have rarely listened to. However, after my last relationship I will not settle, especially not for someone who isn't on my level. That statement sounds super harsh but if we can't connect on a deeper level than we don't belong together. Just because someone is cute doesn't mean they fit the criteria. If looks are everything the equation doesn't make sense. I'm only 23 but I know what I need in life; I'm at an age where the decisions I make will affect my future. With that being said, be conscientious in your decisions. The moment you stop basing your happiness off of others is when you can finally live your life.

Don't settle. Bee happy. 🐝

Darian, xoxo